Papa was an "old country" Papa. And why not? He was from the old country. He came to the U.S. when he was twenty. We deferred to him, doted on him and took care of him. His word was final. Papa was also big in both senses of the word. When he realized he was wrong, he was quick to apologize. He also forgave. He was lavish with his affection and our children never doubted that he cherished them. But he was also like the nursery rhyme little girl with a curl on her forehead: "When she was good, she was very, very good. When she was bad she was horrid."
Once during an extended period of Papa-grumpiness, someone asked, "Mom, what's with Papa? He's not fit to live with!"
"He's under a lot of pressure at work and he's very stressed."
Annie said, "Okay, you guys, let's make him feel better and make a big fuss over him." She went to the kitchen and began making his favorite dinner. Joe went to the store and bought his favorite ice cream. Mary straightened up our room. Chip started making tea. Rob did a quick job of making the house look extra nice. When they heard the car coming, they all ran out and raced to meet him just the way they did when they were little. But Joe was then 18, Annie 16, Mary 14, Chip 12 and Rob, 11. Two of them hooked their arms around his and led him to his chair in the dining room and sat him down for his cup of tea while another massaged his shoulders. How could anyone persist in being cranky in the face of that?
Watching my children deal with life and people taught me so very much all along, God bless them! I learned more from them than they did from me. Instead of resenting him or holding his dark side and bad moods against him, they understood how it came from a place of internal pain and rose to meet his need to be understood and accepted and loved no matter what. They made no room for blame or accusations, complaints or grudges.
As Bim, my second daughter, once pointed out during a family crisis, "Mom, a good family isn't one where no one makes mistakes. A good family is one where mistakes are made and forgiven and we continue to love, uphold and be there for each other." Amen! Alleluia!
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2 comments:
Mrs. Jay,
Thank you so much for putting this up for me. This is a great story and one of inspiration. I realize what I need to do. Mrs. J I especially like the part that goes..."they understood how it came from a place of internal pain and rose to meet his need to be understood and accepted and loved no matter what. They made no room for blame or accusations, complaints or grudges." This is what I need to do. Everyone should always rember these things. You are awesome Mrs. Jay I love and appreciate you. Thanks for the support and the awesome stories from your great life experience. I love you.XOXO
Love, GONZO!!!
Can you tell I am catching up on my blogs? :) Nothing like vacation to catch up.
I'm so glad you put this up. You know if and when you ever teach spiritual kung fu, this is the story you need to tell. I think I finally understand! haha! How many years did that take? wow.
I think this blog goes right in with your new year's resolution for peace. How did you ever manage to stop being such a spitfire and think before getting fired up? I think for me the trouble sometimes is reacting right away and feeling before thinking. Then again, I am Italian... :)
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