Take a sheet of paper and write down 10 of your strengths. Beside that, list 10 of your weaknesses. Beneath your strengths, write 10 of your hopes and dreams. Beside them, list 10 fears. Under all that, ennumerate 10 values: what you consider both essential and/or importantfor a good life.
For example:
STRENGTHS
Intelligence
Good looks
Creativity
Friendliness
Sense of Humor
Spontaneity
Spirituality
Enthusiastic
Risk-taker
Leadership
WEAKNESSES
Laziness
Vanity
Moodiness
Intensiy
Silliness
Disorganization
Unreal
Loud
Impulsive
Bossiness
HOPES AND DREAMS
Graduate School
Travel
Success in career
Good marriage
Four chidren
Staying fit
Keep my friendships
Prosperity
Make the world better
Strong family life
FEARS
Failure
Rejection
Bad breaks
Divorce
Infertility
Poor health
Loneliness
Dire Poverty
Becoming bitter
Losing loved ones
VALUES
Faith in God
Love of Family
Good, strong relationships
Peace/Harmony/Mercy
Joy, Excitement/Fun
Service to Others/Justice
Wisdom
Making a difference
Good health
Now take another sheet of paper and write down 10 strengths you would like your husband to possess. You may have the same strengths like he can be intelligent and good-looking too. But include qualities that would address your weaknesses. For example, since you are moody, it would be nice if he were even-keeled. Since you are disorganized, it would help if he were organized. His strengths should also address your fears. Like patience and fidelity would make divorce unlikely. Good healthy habits would make it less likely for you to be a widow.
Under Weaknesses, list weaknesses in him that you are willing to live with: He has no sense of style. He can't dance. He's not very handy. He forgets special dates. He snores. Stuff like that. I can't imagine your listing addiction, abusiveness, can't hold a job, uncommunicative, dishonesty.
Finally, your hopes and dreams, and values should match because if they don't then you'll spend your life together at cross-purposes. You want to travel; he wants to stay at home. You want children; he doesn't like kids. You get the picture.
When you are done with his profile, take a third piece of paper and write a prayer: "Lord, please send me a man who will love me as much as I will love him....and weave in the rest of his qualties. Make sure that this prayer will reflect a mutuality in your relationship instead of being simply a list of requests containing only what you want this man will do for you. Marriage is very much a two-way street.
Good luck with this and if you are so inclined, do share your prayer for a husband with us.
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1 comment:
You know I think a lot of people look at this highschool assignment and think it's silly or they dismiss it. My mom was always of the frame of mind that "if you were meant to be married, you'll meet them. You don't need to try to get there. It'll happen." Some others in class used to say it's not a good idea to come to the table with a list or to be picky.
But, see, I think this assignment is actually kind of clever, and VERY good for your own growth. More than anything I think it allows you to realize and acknowledge who you are and how you fit into the world around you. I don't have years of experience, or marriage for that matter, under my belt, but so far it seems to me that knowing and understanding myself has helped me tremendously in relating to and communicating with Chris. I find that the ease with which I can do that and to essentially share my life with ppl in my life partly flows from being firmly rooted in my identity and in God. (Although the latter is a work in progress)
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